My German fanbase

My article on post-irony has received some international attention.

I know have a German fanbase. This is even more interesting than the simple fact that I possess a German fanbase because I acquired them prior to obtaining a familial fanbase.

"Fan" might be the wrong word to use here, since the two Germans (or Austrians, I'm not really sure) who read my article both seemed to dislike it. Part of the problem has been my inability to speak German and the rough-edgedness of Google translator, but I also suspect that the Germans and I have a different definition of the issue being discussed.

Here are the very poorly translated comments the Germans gave me:

Commenter A:
I find odd ... he sees as a postmodern ironic indeed a tightening of the ironic, the good stuff fades completely. clearly are also "stupid" things to experience again a revival, but this is not necessarily postironisch. are at least t-shirts with stupid sayings for me, the sheer irony of the times for taking up what he calls. you are hit with such a shirt even a stamp, which is rarely true with something to do, what you really is or what you really want to say. I am slow to ask is whether it is at all feasible, a universal definition of post-Irony to create self-irony of this is not really succeeded, but because everyone somehow his own presentation of these well understood and will probably always have .

Commenter B:
I can only agree with you ..
did the post / link posted to the bewildering range to show what post-irony, and everything is subsumed, or for what purpose, and illustrations of more or less current sensitivities to PI zurechtgebogen abused.
itself, I think the author of this post is highly ironic and sarcastic style of the late 90s.

Though, fundamentally, the Germans and I agree. My German is a tad rusty, but they seem to embrace post-irony as a way for unlimited creative freedom, since, with post-irony, everything has beauty. While I state that under post-irony, "anything is cool." So we both agree that everything has merit and it's just locating the proper perspective and context to make it worthwhile/cool/beautiful.

The reason they appeared to have disliked it probably because of my general irreverence to their subject. Much in the same way certain Christians dislike the Buddy Christ. Deep down, we believe the same thing, the Germans just take it more seriously than I do. I have survived my first exchange with German intellectual snobs.

Power Outage

My power was out last night. Actually, it was a whole lot more than my power. At about 10:30 (I worked until 11), my buddy from the same apartment complex called me to let me know that the power was out in our whole area. A few minutes later, the lady who works at the front of the store came by and mentioned that the whole strip mall I live behind was out of power, in addition to a few stoplights. "People gotta rely on the courtesy of others out there. I nearly died."

When my shift ended and I was able to survey the lightlessness situation and, sure enough, the lights were off in the strip mall; with the notable exception of Walmart. Thankfully, the street lights were back up, so I did not have to rely on others being friendly. I cursed that any night in which the area lights were out was undoubtedly a cloudy night, meaning I could not gaze up at the stars and pretend I wanted to do this all the time.

I scooped up my aforementioned electronically-stranded buddy and we hit the nearby bar we frequent because they have $5 pizzas in the evenings. Shooting the shit until one o'clock, when the bar closed, to kill some time because no one under the age of 30 gets tired before 2 am; at least, no one I would hang out with. You know, since I work until 11 and all. Plus, they're squares.

Eventually, the surly bartended gave us the boot and we prayed in vain to pagan gods we were sure were dead that our electricity would be restored but, alas, the area was still shrouded in darkness. It was deeply terrifying, in a way: all that mankind can do can be shattered by nature and rendered inoperable, and worse boring. Darkened, abandoned buildings is how I've always envisioned the world after it ends. I had to suppress a very strong urge to begin looting.

Upon returning home, I lurked for a while before brushing my teeth in total darkness and otherwise preparing for bed. Then, as I was still not tired enough, I did some exercising. Seriously, there's just nothing to fucking do in pitch blackness at 1:30am in Indianapolis.

Then, right as I was realizing that working out and not having any AC was a terrible combination, the power was restored. I crouched in the darkness for a few more minutes, listening to the renewed beepings and whirrings, distrustful, assuming that someone was trying to lure me into a trap. When I finally accepted this new reality, which was really just a restoration of my old reality, I check my email and went to bed. Since I was tired.

Origin Story of Project Chloroplast

She was born in a botany laboratory, the result of billions of research dollars and thousands of scientist's man hours. Every couple hours she was pulled from her soil and studied. She was constantly injected, and her dirt fertilized, with chemicals whose names were so complex they'd tie the tongues of even seasoned lab technicians. They didn't know that she could feel, and think during all of this: every searing microscope examination, every violating stab of the needle, every chemical burned her inside and out. But there was simply no way to for her to communicate her misery.

Things only got worse when she sprouted her first cotyledon. Clearly, the scientists had gotten what they were after with her, so the examinations increased in frequency and invasiveness.

Quickly, she grew out of her Petri dish and into a glass box. Now, she was too large for the scientists to use their microscopes, so they instead cut off tiny pieces of her to put under their microscopes. It hurt even worse than their needles and she would scream every time, calling to her missing parts. There were plants in the room, and they would wince at her agonized yells, but the people in lab coats didn't seem to hear her at all.

Her glass box was too small to contain her eventually. The scientists moved her to a large glass tube, away from her precious soil. Instead, they gave her measured amounts of sunlight; just enough to keep her alive. It was in this glass tube that she realized she could move and discovered, much to her dismay, that she looked like one of the people, not the plants with whom she could converse.

Though she looked like them, the scientists were still cruel to her, giving her water laden with chemicals and constantly cutting off pieces for their tests: all but one. There was one yellow-haired young man she liked very much. He would never cut her pieces off, and, when it was just the two of them in the lab, he gave her fresh water and turned up the sunlight so she had enough strength to stand. As the months passed, he taught her how to understand the language of the humans and, when she had enough sunlight, he could hear her talking.

Then, it all came to an end. Their funding was cut, the scientists had to shut down the lab and that meant destroying all of their research subjects: they had enough data to reproduce them all if funds were restored anyway. They grabbed a torch and approached her tube. She was too weak to fend them off, too weak to stand, too weak to make them hear her screams.

But the other plants heard her. They heard her desperation and something inside moved them to great feats: the trees threw their mighty boughs at the scientists, and the vines wrapped around legs and necks. A flower toppled its pot and flicked on the light switch behind her tube. Within a few moments, she had the strength to break herself free and fled the lab, only glancing once over her shoulder at the sign above her cell: Project Chloroplast.

The yellow-haired lab technician met her outside the building and brought her to his house where she lived in the backyard, gleefully feasting upon the bountiful sunlight and growing an impressive garden, while the heat died down from the incident at the lab. She taught herself better command over her leafy brethren and how to channel the sun's power; he taught her that not all humans were bad.

Now, embracing her moniker as Project Chloroplast, she seeks out anywhere there are weak being abused by the strong and rights that injustice.

"They call him The Elephant"...

… said Sergeant Major Colin Buckingham.

"Why's that, sir?" asked the sniveling and forgettable private lucky enough to find himself in the presence of the Army's most innovative officer.

"Because he's an elephant."

The private looked confused. To his mind, elephants were lumbering creature, totally incapable of performing secret missions on behalf of the military. But his mind was wrong. The Elephant was, as his name implied, utterly unstoppable once he'd built up momentum, able to recall even the most minute details of anything he'd encountered before, and proficient in charming audiences with tricks. In short, the stupid private did not realize, when he spoke his next words, that he was insulting the greatest agent the world has ever known out of sheer ignorance. "But wouldn't an elephant make a terrible soldier?"

Sergeant Major Buckingham glared at him. "Evidentially not."